Monthly Archives: December 2016

 Well, 2016 is finally winding to a close. My friends who are into numerology tell me that 2016 is a "9" year, one of endings and closure. They say that 2017 is a "1" year of new beginnings. I hope that's true. Because while there have been good things that have happened for me in 2016, it's been a slog of a year.

We've lost so many celebrities this year, and some of the losses have been hard. Which always feels odd to say. I mean, I've never met these people, and only know them through their movies or music or writing, plus whatever news and gossip hits the few media channels I frequent online. Why should their deaths impact me in any personal way? But the fact remains that it does. I think part of the phenomenon is that it reminds us that time marches on, and we're older than we feel. Well, most days anyway. And that Death comes for us all in our time. Sometimes before our time, it seems.

Many of the famous people who died this year were getting up in years, and had been in poor health. So it's not like most of the deaths were surprises. I mean, when someone who's in their late 90's dies, how is that surprising? Sad, perhaps, but surprising? It's the ones who were "so young" that always cuts most deeply. It reminds us that we're not immune. I've known that from a young age working as a Paramedic, and more recently as an ER nurse. When you see death regularly as part of your work, you have a very intimate sense that each day is precious. That sense gets numb sometimes, but it's always there. Deaths of well known people just alert the sense once again.

A friend posted this link today on Facebook, and while I'm not a Millenial, some things he had to say really hit home for me.

Simon Sinek on Millenials in the Workplace
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU

If you don't have time to watch the whole thing (but I highly recommend it), one of the things he talks about is how social media causes dopamine to be released, which hits the addiction/pleasure center of our brains. He is of the opinion that if you're sitting with friends but texting/facebooking/whatever on your phone with other people, you're missing out on some of the really incredible things that are supposed to happen when you spend time with friends. If when you wake up in the morning, your first action is not to greet your significant other, but to turn on your phone and check facebook, then you're losing out in your relationship. If you're on your phone while waiting for a meeting to start, you're not creating relationships with your co-workers through seemingly insignficant chatter.

That really made me stop and think. Evenings at home have my family sitting on the couches, watching TV together, but not really together. Munchkin is typically on her phone doing something with her friends. The Mister is usually playing a computer game and occasionally checking his Facebook. I'm checking my Facebook and other social media, or doing homework. None of us are focused on the TV show we're watching, and we're certainly not doing anything actually TOGETHER. That's not to say every minute of our lives has to be doing something as a group, but shouldn't some nights, some activities be more present somehow?

I have a group of people who are my tribe. They are more vital to my well being than my blood family in many ways. We get together in person all too infrequently, and when we do there is a technology device in virtually everyone's hands. We do interact and chat and catch up with each others' lives, but it's an intermittent experience. Someone will get a text from another friend and engage with that for a while, or possibly share it with the group, or get disinterested in the topic of conversation and check out with their phone for a bit. Part of that is because we're a tribe of introverts, but I wonder what it would be like to have a gathering where the devices were left in the vehicles, or even just in the bags, for an hour or two.

I know lately I've been feeling very disconnected from my friends and family. I don't know if it's the season, or the culmination of a hard year for everyone, or maybe the long-term effects of the technology addiction that Sinek talks about. Sure, we "talk" all the time on Facebook, but that just seems to be very superficial to me right now.

When problems brought about by technology arise, I'm a person who tends to ask if there's not also a solution that technology offers rather than a knee-jerk reaction to decide that technology is bad. Perhaps I need to see if some of my friends are interested in a group video chat or even just a one-on-one Skype on a regular basis so we're more in-touch than what Facebook allows. Maybe just more in-person get-togethers are in order, and technology can facilitate the planning and coordination. I don't want to sound like I think technology or social media is the bad guy. I'm in touch with friends who I would have never found again without social media, even if it's just the occasional update about how life is going, it's still nice to wave at them. I have friends who have moved away that I've been able to stay in touch with through social media, where we'd have completely lost touch without it. I think it's about finding ways that technology helps, and limiting the downsides.

So.

New beginning for 2017.

Makes me ask the question, what's REALLY important to me? What's worth the time and energy to start over and build on?

At this point in my life, I'm finding that it's about the people in my life. My relationships. I haven't been a good friend in many cases. I get wrapped up in my own stuff, anxious about talking on the phone (it's a weird phobia, I know), over-scheduled and stressed, and the first thing that goes is my communication and face-time with the people who are important to me. I think I'll catch up later, and then suddenly months have gone by. Relationships take work and time, after all. It's going to be up to me to figure out how to make that time and energy available.

But that's my priority for 2017, I think. Right up there with finish grad school. And get back to the gym. And start cooking more. And start journalling. And keep a cleaner house. And write a book. (Too much? Probably.)

It seems trite to do all of this self-analysis and "I'm going to change my life" stuff coming up on New Year's. Maybe it is trite, but it's also a collective threshold that our culture recognizes, so it's kinda built-in. Why not use it? Either it becomes a true "new beginning" or it's something that sounds good, and it's tossed aside by Super Bowl Sunday and at least it was a good blog post, right?

I know it's been weeks since I posted anything on this blog. The end of the year is always a bit of a blur for me, and this year is no different. Mea cupla.

Halloween rushes into Thanksgiving, and then there's a rush of birthdays and anniversaries for me before Yule gets here. Add in the end-of-term school projects and shopping/knitting for presents before Yule and people pestering me to start my holiday baking, and it's a recipe for craziness. I have one more school project due in two days, and then I'll be done until January 9th. So Saturday will be the start of my holiday rush and I can start catching up on sleep.

During nursing school, I thought I would never be so happy as when semesters ended and I could catch up on sleep. All I can say now is #gradSchoolSucks. In fact... https://twitter.com/#gradschoolsucks In many ways nursing school was worse, but grad school is right up there.

I have another year to finish my Master's program. Three semesters. Six classes. Forty-eight weeks of coursework. I don't regret deciding to go to grad school, but boy has it been a slog. I have so many things piling up that I want to do, and I'm tired of saying "I'll do that in 2018." But if I try to add things into my schedule now, I'll end up sick from the stress. Dare I say it again? #gradSchoolSucks.

In other news, things continue to go well after my weight loss surgery. I'm now about 3-1/2 months out, have lost 62 lbs, and am having wardrobe crises regularly. So far I've been able to avoid going clothes shopping, but that won't last much longer. I'm able to eat pretty much anything I want, though things with a lot of sugar and/or fat I have to be very careful of. I'm also still working on slowing down when I eat, because it makes me physically very uncomfortable, and the habit of wolfing one's food down is hard to break. I'm getting to the gym about once a week, and am trying to ramp that up, but #gradSchoolSucks.

My RA/PsA is doing much better now that I'm back on my meds. And while my inflammatory factors are still a bit elevated after the surgery, they're low enough that we are no longer considering biologic therapy, which is a good thing. We may still have to raise the dosage on my current medication and/or add in a second medication, but that's preferable to biologics if it will work. I finally ordered a splint for my thumb that has let me get back to knitting. My blood pressure is back into normal ranges after we stopped the medication, so all of the health indicators are heading back in the right direction.

All in all, life is good, if way too busy. And #gradSchoolSucks.