Monthly Archives: November 2017

And it doesn't even look like it's an oncoming train.

I'm in the final countdown for #gradSchoolSucks -- 3 weeks left.  It's hard to accept the fact that I'll no longer be a student a month from now.

Well, IF I get my paper done for my Capstone and I don't flake on the rest of my Topics units.

I am imagining all the things I'll get done with all that spare time.  And then laughing at myself, because most of it will assuredly be spent catching up on my reading list and Netflix binging.

But to have a life again!  Woohoo!  5K's, dance lessons, learning languages... I have a list of things I want to start or take up again in 2018.  Whether all of them will happen or not is anyone's guess.  I just won't have the crush of grad school pressing on me.

In a way this feels like a brand new start on life.  Even though I still struggle with chronic illness and everything that goes with it, I'm so much healthier than I was when I started back to school all those years ago.  I even broke another weight plateau this morning, putting me only 5# away from the top of my ultimate weight goal range, and 15# away from the low point of the range.  I had been only marginally watching my intake, and haven't been terribly active with all the migraines, allergies, upper respiratory infections, and such that seem to be my life in October/November each year.  I'd resigned myself to maintaining my weight until after the holidays.  So anything that comes off on its own is a fantastic bonus.

So right now I'm still in the tunnel, but I see the light and all I have to do is keep moving and I'll get there.

If you can't fly then run,
if you can't run then walk,
if you can't walk then crawl,
but whatever you do
you have to keep moving forward.
― Martin Luther King Jr.

It's been a while since I posted. #gradSchoolSucks and all that.

I have been struggling with a lot of stuff this month.

The "on this day" feature of Facebook has made it clear that October is migraine month for me, and this month was no exception. In fact, my migraine monster decided to go for a personal record. I had three weeks straight at the end of September and beginning of October where I didn't go a single 48 hours without a migraine or other severe headache. I finally determined that sinus pressure, partially due to crazy weather changes, was playing a part, along with a bit of dehydration from the constant pain. Munchkin's first neurologist (who was a Godsend) said migraineurs cannot let themselves get hungry or thirsty or they risk a headache. Wiser words were likely never spoken. I signed my life away at Walgreen's for some real Sudafed, upped my water intake, and along with several rounds of a version of the ER Migraine Cocktail, finally got the cycle broken.

The #meToo wave crashed over Facebook, and I felt moved to share a little bit of my experience. This caused me to publicly state some things that went on in marriage #2 that I'd never spoken of publicly. That required a lot of emotional processing, and I'm currently re-evaluating people who remain in social circles with both Ex#2 and myself. I think it was worth it, as a couple of guys on my friends list posted that the #meToo wave showed them in perfect relief something they'd never realized before. That virtually every woman they know had suffered some degree of sexual harrassment, assault, or abuse in their lives. I really hope that this is the beginning of a sea change in the way we talk about violence against women.

I'd like to point out that I'm being gender specific with my terms, because the violence is also perpetrated against non-binary and trans people when they present or are percieved as female, so I have not changed my wording because I believe that this particular violence is against women specifically. Non-binary and trans people face ADDITIONAL violence because they are not conforming to societal gender norms, and this is equally wrong. I don't like conflating the issue because it dilutes the impact of the violence against women, and it also erases the idea that non-binary and trans people who present or are perceived as female get TWO kinds of violence directed at them. I also recognize that men are victims of sexual harrassment, assault, and abuse as well. They should also be believed and supported, no question. But again, I don't like conflating issues and want to see violence against male targets given its full due.

Anyway, enough social commentary for today. LOL.

Work is stressful. Grad school is stressful. I told my therapist last night that I think I've maxed myself out on stress. It's causing me to procrastinate with school stuff making this last semester that much more of a grind and adding more to the stress levels. It's causing me to become ambivalent about projects at work, which is never a recipe for my best effort and results.

In good news for the month, I'm back to my regular dose of the fibro meds, and my daily pain level is a 2-3 out of 10 which is a vast improvement from the 5-6 it was earlier in the year. My fatigue is getting better, but then I'm still recovering from the beating October delivered to me. I still hate having a fibro diagnosis because it's so non-specific and has a lot of stigma attached to it, but I have to be glad that I'm in the percentage of people for whom the meds seem to work well.

So I have basically seven more weeks of grad school to gut through, and then I'm hoping life gets a lot happier. In the meantime, I'm hanging on and pushing through. Now that the weather is starting to level out as Fall blows in, I'm hoping that November will be a lot better of a month for me.