With hearts too heavy
Your heart is too heavy from things you carry a long time,
You been up you been down, tired and you don’t know why,
— Matisyahu, Live Like a Warrior
You can count me among the millions of sad, scared people this week. My Facebook feed is mostly split between two groups this week: those who feel the same way I do, and those who think I and the others who feel this way are reactionary whiners.
I could write for hours trying to explain why we’re scared and sad, but it would be wasted time. You either already agree with me, or you are likely not listening, REALLY listening, to anything I or my scared contingent say.
That is what I see as the biggest problem we face in America today. No one is really listening to the other side. We are all mired in our own echo chambers and when someone breaks through with a message contrary to what we believe, our reaction is to attack instead of listening.
I am told there was a time in America where the concept of a loyal opposition was an accepted, even celebrated, role in politics. I can’t imagine it. For my adult life, the political reality has been “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” which has resulted in a do-nothing Congress hell-bent on accomplishing absolutely nothing for the American people in order to block any attempted legislation by President Obama and his supporters.
I naively believed that those on the other end of the political spectrum from myself still wanted the same things for America, namely a strong economy with unlimited opportunity and equality for the American people. That even if we disagreed on the “how” we all agreed on the goal.
But we have stopped listening to each other and assuming the best in each other. We are talking over and at each other and not listening.
The Mister is a hard-core Libertarian, which results in some … um, well, interesting conversations about politics in our home. I know that the Mister loves me dearly, and would defend me to the ends of the earth if I were actively threatened. For the last few days, he’s made comments about the people who are protesting the outcome of the election that while not directed at me, felt very personal. This morning, as I was getting out of the car, he took my hand and said “I know you’re scared, but remember we’re in this together and we’ll get through it.” I almost broke down in tears right in front of my office building because that was the first time this week I’ve felt my feelings validated by anyone who doesn’t share my fear and sadness.
I know that most people who voted for Trump are good and decent people who do not support the vile, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, mysogynist, hateful rhetoric that he was spewing. Most of the people I know who voted for Trump would never condone the verbal and physical violence that has occurred this week in the wake of the election. But instead of hearing our very real fear, I see many of you trying to convince us that we’re over-reacting or whining that we lost, and in some cases even trying to prove that the verbal and physical violence isn’t real. Or worse, saying things like the only proven case of violence was graffiti in schools, and that’s not worth discussing. What we hear is that children terrorizing other children isn’t significant. What we hear are statements mocking our very real fear and pain.
The Democrats are guilty of this too, don’t think I’m giving us a pass. The leaders of the Democrat party have become completely out of touch with the “regular” people and the struggles they deal with every day. The party has completely failed to hear and understand what people are going through and has marginalized those who don’t agree with the platform.
Let me say this loud and clear. I hear you. I get that you’re worried about how to keep a roof over your head, feed your family, and get healthcare when you need it. I know that entire swaths of industry have disappeared in this country, and that it leaves you and yours scared and angry. I get that terrorism is scary, and every time something happens here in the U.S. it feeds that fear. I hear your fear, I see your anger, and I understand.
If you’re a conservative voter, you and I disagree on the best ways to fix the things driving those fears. I believe that a strong safety net is necessary. I believe that a public option for healthcare that is available to every citizen is a necessity. You believe that getting the government out of it and leaving it to the market is the best way to fix it. You believe the way to deal with issues of discrimination and hatred in this country is for everyone to just get along and quit talking about the issues. I look at the history of discrimination and hatred in this country and believe that protections need to be established. We disagree, and that should be OK. But instead, I get labeled a Socialist, you get labeled a Fascist when neither term means anything close to what we’re trying to say.
If we could just talk to each other, and really listen to what the other person is trying to say, I believe we could find solutions that would work for both of us. But when the labels and judgment come out, there’s no more communication.
That’s when the political machine comes in, spreading lies and distraction to push us even farther apart. When we can’t even agree on the facts, and issue moral judgment against the person who disagrees, nothing can be accomplished. Fear and hatred are magnified, and the machine doesn’t want us to find common ground.
If I could wave a magic wand and change anything about the politics in our country, it would be to close this entrenched gulf. I would not, in fact, wish that everyone thought the same way I do. I firmly believe that it is our differences that make us stronger. I believe that the strongest leader keeps people around them who disagree about what to do. I would just wish that we could once again embrace the loyal opposition, and figure out how to disagree in a civil and respectful manner.
There is a common saying in my UU faith which I wish for our country:
We need not think alike to love alike. *
This is my prayer for each of us.
* The quote is frequently attributed to Francis David, but arguably originated with John Wesley (founder of the Methodist church) so correct attribution is difficult.